The other day I went to go look at a newly constructed house in an expensive part of town. It was a nice house with some beautiful features, but I simply wasn’t impressed and when I saw the price tag I felt like the asking price was far too high.
Why wasn’t I impressed, you ask?
I mean the house was in a coveted part of town and it did have some nice features as I previously stated, but there was a problem.
The problem was I had viewed a home earlier in the week that looked far more elegant on the other side of town in a newly developed area that was essentially for half the asking price of the one I was currently looking at.
See I had full knowledge that there was something better out there for a lower price.
To me buying the house in the more expensive neighborhood is equivalent to what we do when we over invest in our relationships. We pay a high price to be able to say we have a relationship but our relationship is often lacking in some hallmark features that we so desperately long for.
It was hard for someone to convince me that I should pay more for less house, because I knew better. I had seen better and I wanted better.
And so it goes in relationships. When you don’t realize you can have better for less, you end up paying more to get less. We know in our gut that the price seems too high, but we strongly desire to have a relationship.
But what is a relationship without love, care, loyalty, honesty, trust and respect? Why have a person in your life who says they love you, but they don’t treat you like it? Or one who tells you that you mean the world to them, only for them to cheat on you or emotionally and/or physically abuse you? If you spend more time crying then you do happy, something is very wrong! Love is not supposed to hurt, love is not pain.
Hurting financially just so you can say you live in an exclusive part of town, isn’t worth the investment. If you are going to have a house have a home, and if you are going to have a relationship have love.
I assert that if we would be willing to have the patience it takes to travel a further distance we could have a relationship with everything we desire. Best of all when we get home we will have everything we ever dreamed of and we won’t have over paid.
Many of us like to have it look to everyone else that we have it all together because we have a romantic relationship, in much the same way many of us like to have a house in an exclusive neighborhood. But here is the thing, when people come visit and take the time to look inside our home they recognize that we cut corners in order to pay the price to live there. Sadly sometimes they don’t even have to come inside to know something is lacking. They can simply drive by and see that our house is the smallest home in the expensive neighborhood.
I argue it is better to live in the house that sits just on the outskirts of town where we can have the hardwood floors, trey ceilings, garden tub, chair railings, marble countertops, porch and backyard that we always dreamed of, for a price that we can most certainly afford. And the same goes in relationships. You are going to pay a price to be with someone. That price is the giving of yourself and being vulnerable. Don’t over invest! If you are giving all of yourself they should be giving you full reciprocity in return.
Be careful not to over invest. The act of giving of yourself to someone else that results in you losing yourself is far too high of a price to pay. I suggest that if you are going to pay a price, let it be for the relationship that gives you everything you have ever dreamed of and that shows you a full return on your investment. And I don’t mean some day in the future. Your love is not some lay away plan! You shouldn’t have someone dangling a carrot saying take yourself off the market for me now and maybe one day I will treat you better.
So, if your house is in the exclusive part of town with all the bells and whistles and making a payment doesn’t make your pocket-book scream…then that is your home and absolutely nothing is wrong with it. But, if your house in the exclusive part of town is lacking in some important features, leaving you upside down on your mortgage then I strongly suggest you do the work to move to a home you can afford.
Yes leaving the house may require you to take an initial loss but the purchase of a home will be worth the investment in the long run. Even if it does sit just on the outskirts of town, love yourself enough to do the work it takes to get there.
© Renata Pittman and RenataNicole, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Renata Pittman and RenataNicole with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.