Do it Afraid

Just Between the Trees Renata Nicole

Just Between the Trees
Renata Nicole

I hate the idea of surgery. I mean I am not even big on going to see doctors. So the notion of someone cutting a part of my body is not something I care to put much thought towards.

In all my life I have never had surgery. Over the years I have been told that I might benefit from having surgical procedures done to remove certain organs and that it would help reduce my pain and increase my quality of life.

I have yet to muster up the courage to do so. It is rather sad how I live with aches and pains that would most likely be eliminated if I allowed surgeons to simply remove certain organs from my body.

The same way I sit in physical pain because of my fears is the same way I have sat in emotional pain due to my fears. I would hold on to people, places and things that were yielding great pain in my life all because I was afraid of what my life would be like without them.

I would stay in toxic relationships with people because they provided a familiar pain. I would stay doing a job I didn’t find satisfaction from and left me feeling drained because I was afraid of losing financial stability. I wouldn’t move to a new location because I was afraid of how different the new place would be.

A couple of years ago I reached a point where I started doing things afraid. I started following my dreams despite my fears. I made a decision that if the only thing keeping me from doing something I strongly desired to do was fear then I would do it afraid.

I knew spiritually that I had no reason to fear, and so I just started moving forward. The more I would walk towards my dreams the less afraid I became.

I have learned to rarely discuss my dreams with people. This is because I have found that I was guilty of allowing other people to talk me out of things. I would be afraid to do something and then I would ask others what they thought about my dream. Not because I wanted them to support me, but because deep down I wanted them to discourage me. I was afraid and so I would use their negativity about my dream as an excuse not to do what I strongly desired.

I was good for saying things like I would move to “XYZ” but “So and So” said that it wasn’t nice there. I wasn’t asking their opinions because they were experts or because I truly needed their advice. No, I asked their opinion because I was scared and deep down I wanted them to talk me out of it.

And best of all I could blame them for me not fulfilling my dream. I was failing to take personal responsibility for my life. I was using others to run away from what I really wanted. 

For example, I have known in my gut that a relationship was toxic but then I would call my friends and hope that one of them would talk me into keeping the relationship because I didn’t want to do the hard work of letting go.

The pain that I currently have in my body prior to any surgery is familiar. The pain associated with surgery is unknown to me. I know how it feels to do what I am currently doing. I don’t know how it will feel to do something new.

I have found myself afraid of what life will be like without certain people or in certain places. But my desire to fulfill my dreams is far greater than my fear of the unknown or my fear of letting go.

I have let go of things that I still reminisce about, I have moved away from places that I long to visit, and I have let go of people who I miss so deeply it causes my soul to ache. But I knew that I had to close those chapters if I wanted to move forward to the next chapters of my story.

Not letting go of people, places and things when everything in you is telling you to birth your dream is as sad as me holding on to organs that doctors have suggested are holding me back from a healthier life.

Cut out anything or anyone that is hindering you from fulfilling your fullest potential. I know first hand that it is hard, I have shed countless tears saying my goodbyes to people, places and things I desperately wanted to cling to.

However, like my organs – the people, places and things stopped bringing me satisfaction like they used to (and to be honest some never did). Then they started making me uncomfortable and causing me pain. Finally, I found that they were slowly killing the dreams inside of me.

I have seen people after surgery who were in great pain. They often described the pain after surgery as excruciating. But if the surgery went well then once they healed they would tell me they were glad they had the surgery.

I can attest to often having initial pain after letting go of people, places and things that were familiar. Somethings and people that I let go of took me longer to heal than others. But I am glad I let go and moved foward.

Following a dream is not always easy. It is scary letting go of the familiar and walking into the unknown. But going towards your dream helps you walk into your purpose. It helps you to become who you are meant to be.

I know it is hard to let go. And there may be times when you will think it was better when you were being mistreated, living unfulfilled and/or unhappy then it is walking down this unfamIliar path. However, I truly believe our dreams are our navigation device to our purpose.

Never allow anyone to talk you out of your dreams, not even yourself. If you have a dream, love yourself enough to work towards it, even if you have to do it afraid. Just like I will love myself enough to have surgery to improve my quality of life and reduce my unnecessary pain.

Renata Nicole

© Renata Pittman and RenataNicole, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Renata Pittman and RenataNicole with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

One thought on “Do it Afraid

  1. Stephanie says:

    Renata I pray you get the necessary surgeries and soon! Thanks for encouraging me and others to do things even if we are afraid. I will have to analyze what it is that I haven’t let myself do that I should or that I’ve dreamed about but failed to take action on. Thanks for the inspirational thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

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