Today I had the opportunity to have a wonderful conversation with one of my childhood classmates.
She and I checked in with one another and exchanged status updates of how we are progressing in life.
During our discussion I explained to her how I am feeling better about the woman that I am today but that there are times when I still feel like the little girl in high school that was picked on and made fun of.
The truth is I have spent the bulk of my life feeling very unattractive and downright ugly.
For me to recognize that isn’t true has taken me quite a bit of time.
To be honest I probably didn’t accept the truth that I am beautiful until maybe four or five years ago.
Nevertheless, my friend explained to me that she also has times when she still feels like the ugly girl in middle and high school.
The truth is neither one of us were ugly then nor or we ugly now.
Other people may have called us that, we may have even believed that but it is a lie.
I suggested that she spend 2 minutes in the morning and another 2 minutes at night looking in the mirror saying these five things:
1. I am beauty.
2. I am confidence.
3. I am desire.
4. I am love.
5. I am grace.
I furthered explained that by saying these statements she would be telling herself that she possesses everything that is beautiful, confident, desirable, lovable and graceful. This is because the statements would cause one to go beyond saying that they are simply the verb (which is more of the essence of something in action) but that they, themselves are the thing they are calling themselves, in entirety.
I told her how at first they will be just words but if she takes the time to do it everyday for 2 minutes over the course of the next month that something in her thought process will shift.
This is because as she says them I believe that it will cause her subconscious to start to listen and believe and in turn her conscious mind to act.
It isn’t enough to say them, somewhere in yourself you have to listen and believe it.
Is there anything significant about 2 minutes?
No, not that I am aware of.
I have no scientific evidence to back it up. It may be true she could find the same results in 1 minute or 2 minutes and a half. But she is most likely doing it for no minutes so 2 minutes would most certainly be an improvement.
I also arrived at two minutes because if you ever just sit in complete silence for 2 minutes with nothing else to do and no anticipation for something to occur your mind has a marvelous way of entertaining several thoughts in that time frame.
Making a conscious effort to think on ones beauty for two minutes is actually longer than what most people who feel unattractive probably do.
For this reason I argue that it is a positive change in the right direction even if it is ever so slight.
2 minutes is also the length of a short song and if you have ever had a song stuck in your head then you know it has the ability to replay in your mind throughout the day.
I know I for one have even been guilty of singing songs that are stuck in my head aloud.
Could a person say more than those five things or deviate from those five I have listed?
I don’t see why not, given the replacement words are positive.
I think of the five I am statements I suggested more so as a healthy start.
Furthermore, if you have had the opportunity to navigate my website then you are probably aware that I have a section called I am Statements (Positive Affirmations).
They are simple three word statements. They are not lengthy like most other positive affirmations, rather they are very short precise declarations.
Please note I do not frown upon alternative positive affirmations of greater length I just simply like 3 word I am statements because I have found them easy to recite and yet still powerful.
But I feel compelled to say yet again that here is the thing about any positive affirmation, it does nothing to go about simply saying it, you have to get to a point where you feel it and believe it.
The good thing is that the more a person hears themselves say something, the more they are inclined to start to believe it. They just need to have enough faith to be open to what they are hearing.
While offering up my advice something occurred to me.
You see, as I stated at the introduction to this post, from time to time I also struggle with feeling like the girl back in middle school and high school (or even the girl in elementary school for that matter). And for this reason I have decided to take my own advice.
I do journal I am statements quite regularly but they are not focused primarily on my physical appearance nor do I do them every day. Additionally, I haven’t engaged in mirror time for quite a while.
The last time I spent a significant amount of mirror time was when I felt I had been betrayed.
During that time I took a dry eraser marker and I wrote down all of the names of the people who I knew for certain loved me (I think I named about 50 people, most of which were family members) upon my mirror. Then I wrote the names of the two people I felt betrayed me.
Every day I would make the choice to focus on those 50 or so loved ones who I knew loved me.
I would make an effort to reach out to a group of them every day and occupy my mind with nurturing the relationships that mattered as opposed to focusing on the ones that didn’t.
On the first day I immediately removed the two names of the the people who I felt had betrayed me because I knew that they were no longer be a necessary point of focus.
Their names were initially on my mirror only to show me that in comparison to the 50 or so people who I know in my heart love me, the significance of those two people was minute. I needed to forgive them and even send them away in love, but beyond that I didn’t want to purposely expend any of my energy thinking about them.
That mirror time was beneficial in helping me to start a healing process.
And this is a form of the same thing in reverse.
I say this because when you feel unattractive you call yourself a multitude of names like worthless, stupid, dumb, ugly, fat, skinny and other untruths. But you speak very few positive things about yourself.
I assert that people who are in the habit of saying negative statements about themselves probably spend the bulk of their day playing negative thoughts about themselves throughout their mind repetitively and would most likely struggle to name (much less believe) positive attributes about themselves without assistance from someone else.
Thus, introducing their mind to a total of four minutes of positive statements about their physical appearance will be the beginning of a whole new way of thinking.
While I am not as negative about my looks as I have been in the past I have not fully appreciated the girl that I was in high school, much less the woman I am today.
With that in mind I have decided to take the time out to do the same work that I suggested to my childhood classmate.
Tonight, I purposely took a picture without any make up and I will be taking another picture on April 1.
The reason being is I myself am going to spend the next 31 days boosting my confidence and telling myself that I am beautiful.
I also plan to take things a step further. I have pictures of myself in high school (that I have so wanted to burn so that they would never be unearthed again). Well, as crazy as it sounds I plan to spend some time looking at those pictures and telling the girl in the pictures that she is beautiful.
I have a feeling that as I call myself beautiful I was start to believe it to a greater extent and that in turn I will start to treat myself as such.
I look forward to seeing how 31 days of I am statements regarding my physical appearance will be reflected by photograph.
I have no doubt in my mind that there will be a transformation.
I am certain that as I say it, feel it and believe it I will start to treat myself as a woman of great beauty and I will behave in a way where I care for myself and my physical appearance like I haven’t before.
So there you have it, I am taking my own advice and I am going to love on me – mind, body and soul.
© Renata Pittman, Renata Smith, Renata Nicole and RenataNicole, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Renata Pittman and RenataNicole with appropriate and specific direction to the original content