Yesterday, I was watching YouTube and I noticed a new video had been uploaded from one of the YouTube Channels I follow called DatingLogic. After viewing the thought provoking video I knew I had to share it and have provided a link below for you to view it.
The video is the response to the question of “How to regain your own dignity and pride after you’ve lost it chasing after an ex?”
The gentleman who responds to the question explains that your dignity and pride don’t belong to your ex but rather it belongs to you.
When I heard those words I realized that meant not only does it not belong to your ex it doesn’t belong to your coworkers, supervisors, neighbors, friends, family or your enemies.
The creator of the video further expanded on his argument and explains that we are the governor and caretaker of our dignity and pride and that we have to realize that our pride and dignity is not something outside of ourselves that we have to grab and reach out for because it is already inside of us.
He says, “No one can ever take away our dignity it is ours and ours alone.”
But the most powerful he thing he said for me was:
“When you are trying to regain your dignity and pride you have to understand that you never lost it in the first place!”
This conversation is powerful beyond dating!
There are times when I have handed my dignity and pride to other people to include family members, friends, coworkers and dating partners because I didn’t realize that my pride, dignity and respect are mine and mine alone.
I thought that what others thought of me had more weight than what I thought of me.
I failed to see myself for the valuable person I truly was.
I cannot count the amount of times I have walked around with a bruised ego because I felt like someone had got over on me, made a fool of me or that I had made a fool of myself.
I had this deep fear that people were sitting somewhere laughing at how foolish I was.
I didn’t realize that even if people were laughing at me it didn’t decrease my worth.
I have cringed with embarrassment reflecting on how I had not behaved in a way that cast me in a brighter light in the eyes of other people.
The truth is there are people who think little of me and there are people who think well of me, but at the end of the day all that matters is how I see me.
We are all learning, so none of us have all of the answers.
This means that we are all going to make mistakes.
But one area that I have grown in is that I have learned to never give another human being the power to determine my worth.
I have also learned not to chase people.
Someone not being attracted to me whether it be a romantic relationship, platonic are professional relationship is not a signal of my worth but rather a red flag that they are not the person for me.
I have been guilty of begging people to stay in my life because I didn’t understand that life had something better for me. I had a bad habit of thinking that the person before me was my last chance. I would settle for less than I deserved because I didn’t know my worth.It was if I thought that if I couldn’t get a certain person to accept me that no one else would come along and see me as valuable.
I simply didn’t know how valuable I was!
The reason I was so concerned at the notion that someone thought little of me is because deep down inside, I thought little of me.
I didn’t think anyone would ever really love me because I didn’t really love me.
This led to me giving my power to other people.
Like the speaker said I didn’t have to regain my power, I simply had to acknowledge it and become aware of the fact that it was mine and mine alone.
Once I did I gained value in my own eyes.
I stopped being so concerned about how others saw me.
As a result the people who I interact with treat me with more respect.
Because ultimately, I see myself as someone worthy of respect.
I will not deny the fact that I have previously stayed in relationships longer than what was healthy because I was afraid that if I left nothing better would ever come.
I have laid in bed paralyzed with fear that someone was laughing at how stupid or worthless I was.
I didn’t understand that the people I was giving all my power to were just as human as me. I failed to see that when it comes to defining my worth, I and I alone am responsible for that.
This video helped me to realize that I never have to worry about regaining my dignity because it isn’t something that can be taken away.
The people who I allowed to make me feel small were only able to do so because I gave them the power.
And I gave them that power because somewhere inside of myself I decided I was powerless.
Well, thankfully I made a new decision that I am powerful.
Since I have started reclaiming my self-respect and loving myself flaws and all I have seen myself create boundaries for what I will and will not tolerate in my life.
And I have taken proactive steps to dismiss people who have chosen to trespass.
I have increased my faith that not only do I deserve to be treated well but that I will be treated well.
I have begun to see people leaving my life as making room for those who are meant to be in at as opposed to believing that it meant that I was unlovable.
I am starting to see myself as valuable and as I do I don’t feel comfortable interacting with those who treat me with disrespect.
Unrequited love is not attractive to me, because I realize that if someone doesn’t love me I have enough love inside of myself to sustain me throughout this life time.
The moment that you see yourself handing your dignity over to someone else is the moment you need to realize you are clearly have lost sight of who you are.
Don’t worry about what the people from high school, college, your old job, former friends and associates, family or your ex thinks about you.
Trust me we all are simply learning how to become secure with our own insecurities.
Many of us try to cast ourselves in a better light before other people simply because we have a bruised ego.
Don’t do as I have previously done wasting my time trying to show someone that I am not who I was.
It doesn’t matter if they think small of me, what matters is what I think of me and I have to tell you that through my self-work I have begun to think a lot of me.
I say that not with arrogance but with complete confidence in the fact that I am just as valuable as anyone else.
Believe me when I tell you that I know what it is to come to the understanding that I have played the fool, been used, or that I have chased after someone or something that will never be mine and as a result taken quite the blow to the ego.
That bruise to the ego caused me to misinterpret what actually happened. I thought being viewed small in someone else’s eyes meant I had to prove my worth to them. I thought I had to show them that I was better than who they thought I was…. I thought wrong.
The only person that gets to decide my worth is me!
Understanding that I will never have to regain my self-respect is powerful and it is freeing.
Some people will never see me as valuable, and you know what that is okay, because I do and that is all that matters.
Make sure that you are not giving your self-respect, self-worth, pride or dignity to someone else. You and you alone are responsible for its measure and it is my invitation to you to make sure that measure is high! We are all learning so don’t beat yourself up for the mistakes that you made in your past. And don’t ever worry about trying to prove yourself to someone else. Love yourself enough to know that you are highly valuable and that your view of yourself is the only view you need to work on.
© Renata Pittman Smith, Renata Nicole and RenataNicole, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Renata Pittman Smith and RenataNicole with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.