Don’t let the title fool you, I have nothing against diamonds.
I just want you to know they aren’t rare.
A few years ago I read an article about a man who was walking through a diamond mine along with several other visitors when he says he noticed something sparkling against the sunlight.
He walked over to it and retrieved a high value diamond.
I recall reading that park officials said several other people had walked past the same area on multiple occasions for quite sometime and no one had noticed that there was a diamond in plain sight.
It wasn’t until the sun hit it just right that the right person with a keen eye noticed what was right in front of all of the people who were passing by.
The man had paid his admission fee to enter the park and so the diamond was his to keep.
I have often thought of that story.
I thought of all the people who walked right by that diamond and never noticed it.
I thought of how it wasn’t until the right person, at the right time, with the right eye under the right sunlight came along that the diamond was noticed.
Here is the thing – that diamond was a diamond before anyone noticed it.
Upon reading the story I immediately drew a comparison between that story and how just because no one notices you doesn’t mean you aren’t valuable.
When I went to do an internet search so that I could reread the article that had previously caught my attention I discovered several other articles on people who had also discovered valuable diamonds and not only that I learned more about the diamond industry.
When most people think of diamonds they think of Africa.
But diamonds have been known to be unearthed not only in Africa, but in Asia and North America as well.
My point is that diamonds can be found in multiple places.
Just like high value people can be found in multiple places.
We like to think there are no good people in our town, county, borough, municipality, city, state or country but you’re there and you are of value so what makes you think you are the last?
I am not saying it is wrong to look elsewhere I am just saying that when you think compatibility is rare you can easily start to believe that it isn’t within reach.
I had a long-held belief that quality people were rare.
This led me to believe that finding a romantic partner who is of high quality and who would be compatible with me was going to be a tough feat.
I was afraid to hope for love.
In an attempt to prevent my hopes from getting dashed I even tried to convince myself that my desire for a romantic relationship was synonymous with seeking external validation.
But who was I fooling clearly they are not one in the same.
The real reason I wanted to suppress my desire for a relationship was because I feared it wouldn’t happen.
I have decided that I would rather die trying to obtain my heart-felt desires than being afraid to hope for them.
Prior to doing my self work, my thought pattern was askew.
Much in the same way that many people think that diamonds are rare, I thought a good relationship was rare.
But I am now convinced that was simply my perception becoming my reality.
For instance, I know people who have a hard time making friends, but I make friends with ease.
Because I don’t see it as a hard thing to do.
If I am forming a platonic relationship with someone and I don’t think they are worthy of my friendship I simply don’t entertain them. I don’t worry about being without a friend because I know that it easy for me to make friends and that someone better will come along.
And yet there are some people who are desperate for friendship.
But it doesn’t stop there. There are people who find a new career with ease and then there are others who struggle.
Just like there are people like me who struggle to find romantic love alternatively there are people who seem to not only attract it but also seem to be the embodiment of it.
What if I am right and the reason I struggled finding a relationship was because my perception had become my reality?
For example, I myself have driven just north of a diamond mine on several occasions while traveling through the state of Arkansas without even knowing it.
At the time I didn’t put much thought into diamonds.
I simply figured they must be extremely hard to find because the price of them is so high.
Imagine my surprise when I learned that it is a myth that diamonds are rare.
Diamonds aren’t expensive because they are hard to find.
As a matter of fact the supply for diamonds actually exceeds demand.
So, if diamonds are in large supply then why are they so expensive?
Diamonds are expensive because of a marketing strategy developed by the DeBeers organization.
According to my research prior to DeBeers successful advertisement, rubies and sapphires were more popular gemstones.
With the help of Hollywood, DeBeers successfully convinced people who” diamonds were a girls best friend” and that every engagement ring should include a diamond.
While I realize many of the tactics utilized by DeBeers are not admirable, I still think their ability to change how the public perceived diamonds should be noted.
I actually find it quite interesting how someone set the standard for how much something was worth and everything else fell in line.
Much of the credit/disdain for the way most people view the value of diamonds goes to the DeBeers company.
DeBeers did a lot of work obtaining, producing, advertising, unearthing, recreating, harvesting, restricting and displaying diamonds.
So all of this diamond research got me to thinking.
What if quality relationships aren’t rare?
What if it is really my limiting beliefs that cause me to see little evidence of them?
What if it really is my scarcity mentality that causes me to believe that it is going to be hard for me to find someone?
And what if it was my false belief that all men cheat that caused me to experience infidelity in all of my relationships?
I have nothing against diamonds but me knowing that there is an artificial scarcity created through marketing helps me to realize that they are more readily available and attainable than I previously thought.
So what if a good career, good finances, a positive life, healthy friendships, a loving family and romantic relationships aren’t as out of reach as what some of us conceive them to be?
I began thinking about how it is popular in today’s society for us to refer to a “good woman” as a diamond.
But just like diamonds aren’t rare I know that despite all the jaded men walking about who will disagree with me, good women aren’t rare.
I have decided to believe that just like good women aren’t rare, good men aren’t rare either.
It is simply perception becoming reality.
Now do I have evidence of this?
Nope, but “faith is the substance of things hoped for with the evidence of things not seen”.
With my new belief system in tow lets talk a little bit more about diamonds.
Many of us are familiar with the phrase “diamond in the rough”.
It’s a phrase referring to the people who have yet to go through the work, perseverance, pressure and transformation to become secure in their insecurities so like an unpolished diamond they come across as unrefined and rough around the edges.
Understand that the formation of diamonds takes place through high pressure and high temperatures over time and require some polishing thereafter.
But a diamond is still a diamond.
To further expound on that analogy I don’t think that only some of us are like diamonds I think we all are like diamonds.
In the sense that we all are of value.
We are either a diamond in the rough or a polished diamond, but we are all diamonds nonetheless.
I reassert that a diamond is a diamond.
People might say it is a cubic zirconia, but a diamond is a diamond. It doesn’t matter whether people realize it or not, because it is what it is. You never see a diamond telling people its worth. A diamond simply exists.
If someone tries to buy a diamond for less than its value, no jeweler worth their salt would ever let the sell take place.
The point is that you have to know your worth.
Don’t let anyone else define your value!
If someone isn’t smart enough to know your worth then they aren’t on your level in the first place and they don’t deserve you.
Never undersell yourself and never settle.
Always go for the highest bidder.
If someone submits and offer that doesn’t feel right – it ain’t right!
Hold out and wait!
Trust your internal guidance system on who deserves your energy and who doesn’t.
Invest in those who invest in you.
Believe that someone of mutual quality will come along at the right time, under the right ray of sunlight with a keen eye and notice you.
And if you ever have a moment where you catch yourself telling someone your worth recognize that is the precise moment you need to fall back because you have already forgotten your value.
So be a diamond and let the people who can’t recognize you kick rocks
It has taken a lot of soul-searching but I have begun seeing myself as valuable.
Not because I am in high demand or because of any advertising strategy.
But because I am finally starting to have a shift in my thinking where I am accepting what I know in my soul to be true.
I have value!
Those diamonds that were discovered never had to beg anyone to notice them they simply existed.
If someone came along and noticed them great and if no one did they were still great.
The vast majority of people believe that they will only ever be able to afford to buy a cubic zirconia.
They believe in the myth that diamonds are rare so they aren’t even looking to have one of their own.
And even if they do see a diamond they don’t believe that they are in line to obtain something of quality.
So when it comes to identifying a person who loves me I might have to spend some time alone in the jewelry shop window but I have full confidence that someone will come along when the time is right.
Furthermore, when I started to see myself as valuable I decided to no longer deal with people who wanna put me on a rent to own plan.
You know the guys who say they aren’t ready for a relationship
now (with me) but maybe they will be. In other words if I stick around until after they decide they can’t find someone better than maybe just maybe they might settle for lil’ ole me.
No more trying to become something I am not in the hopes of getting someone to finally love me.
Come ready to emotionally invest in me at full price or don’t invest at all.
If someone’s “emotional credit” is bad they need to shop elsewhere.
Thankfully I realize that the same sense of confidence I have in platonic relationships I need to bring to all my other relationships.
When it came to love I used to feel the need to mark down my prices.
Let’s just be honest I am pretty sure I advertised myself on clearance with a bright yellow sticker on more than one occasion.
There I was with a big old sign saying please pick me I am desperate for someone to please pick me!!!!
My low self-esteem and self-hatred led me to settle out of fear that no one would ever love someone like me.
Sadly, there I was a high value person who was so insecure that I sold myself at bargain basement prices.
I may not be rare in the sense that I am a good person but I can assure you that I am rare in the sense that I am a designer’s original.
And we all know that a designer’s original is sold at full price!
Don’t allow people who can’t recognize quality to have you thinking that you are as they perceive you.
Think of all those people who walked past that diamond before the man noticed it. They didn’t see the diamond for what it was but it was still a diamond.
It ain’t your fault that when it comes to love that some people believe they can only afford to give love, care, and honesty at Dollar Tree prices.
The reality is a lot of people can’t see your worth cause they can’t see their own.
They are the emotional equivalent of wealthy people who are penny pinchers. They gotta lot but they only give a little.
Forget those people!
Let them take that Ebenezer Scrooge type of love elsewhere.
And don’t do as I did falling prey to the sly people who can see your worth but realize you don’t so in an attempt to keep you from seeing your value they try to bring you down to their level by price haggling.
You gotta have an energy about yourself that lets them know that when it comes to your heart, time, energy and devotion that this here ain’t a yard sale and they are shopping at Tiffany’s and you demand mutual love, kindness, care, trust and respect.
Don’t fall for anything less.
I think a lot of us are walking around seeing ourselves and behaving like we are lower quality than we really are – don’t do it!
We think other people are of high quality but not us.
I spent decades not seeing the greatness that I am.
I now know that the right buyer will look at me and see me for who I am. They won’t price haggle and they will fall in love with me for who I am – the way I am – flaws and all.
For the first time in my life I get it!
Anyone who doesn’t love me as I am is just a window shopper and we don’t even open the case for window shoppers!
You are worth what you believe you are worth, you command the market!
© Renata Pittman Smith, Renata Nicole and RenataNicole, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Renata Pittman Smith and RenataNicole with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.